The Birth of the CHAW Doctrine
In the Days of OLD (the days of BIG LEAGUE CHEW), the PEOPLES were living in mysterious times. These times were constantly challenging them, making their brains feel squishy. They sat on the plain, and pondered. They pondered through the day, into the night. Often, on crystal clear nights, their ponderings would rest upon the Starry Starry Sky.
As it came to pass, the PEOPLES had their FIRST EPIPHANY: That the stars in the sky, weren’t stars at all! For LO, they were INFORMATION PARTICLES, up THERE, in the SKY! And there they were, the PEOPLES, splayed across the valleys and plains, with … NO INFORMATION! They wondered how this could be, and how to get themselves VIOLENTLY INFORMED. After much BLUSTER, the PEOPLES delegated some of them to come up with a clever plan to achieve their goals.
It was common knowledge amongst the PEOPLES that there exists the CHAW PARTICLE. This particle is the source of many, many things – and it has been uttered that “If Thee CHEWS the CHAW, Ye shall DROP your JAW!” – such is the power of the CHAW. Those That Were Delegated came up with THIS plan:
1. Shoot the CHAW PARTICLE up into the sky, by using a COMPLIMENTARY BLAST OF STEAM
2. Let the CHAW PARTICLE bond with the INFORMATION PARTICLES
3. Let this happen until there is a column of Chewey Chaw
4. Fire up the FUKKUS, and let it MAKE a RUKKUS
5. the FUKKUS shall be used, as a COMBOBULATOR – an INFORMATION PROCESSING MACHINE, that shall make the Chewey Chaw emulsify into a SLURRY
6. The SLURRY shall increase in weight and volume, until it SWIRLS
7. The SWIRLING SLURRY must be GUIDED into the VORTEX, a HUGE FUNNEL in the sky
8. if a droplet of unprocessed information falls from the funnel, it shall fall to the sky, as a MEAT SHOWER
9. The small end of the VORTEX is the INFORMATION ORACLE. Here, the INFORMATION is fully processed and ready to be SPEWED.
10. Like a gamma ray, it SPEWS, into Mike’s FACE!
11. It is THEN, that Mike must take the INFORMATION SPEW, and DISSEMINATE it, UNTO THE PEOPLES!
12. And this is how the PEOPLES get VIOLENTLY INFORMED.
In the Days of OLD (the days of BIG LEAGUE CHEW), the PEOPLES were living in mysterious times. These times were constantly challenging them, making their brains feel squishy. They sat on the plain, and pondered. They pondered through the day, into the night. Often, on crystal clear nights, their ponderings would rest upon the Starry Starry Sky.
As it came to pass, the PEOPLES had their FIRST EPIPHANY: That the stars in the sky, weren’t stars at all! For LO, they were INFORMATION PARTICLES, up THERE, in the SKY! And there they were, the PEOPLES, splayed across the valleys and plains, with … NO INFORMATION! They wondered how this could be, and how to get themselves VIOLENTLY INFORMED. After much BLUSTER, the PEOPLES delegated some of them to come up with a clever plan to achieve their goals.
It was common knowledge amongst the PEOPLES that there exists the CHAW PARTICLE. This particle is the source of many, many things – and it has been uttered that “If Thee CHEWS the CHAW, Ye shall DROP your JAW!” – such is the power of the CHAW. Those That Were Delegated came up with THIS plan:
1. Shoot the CHAW PARTICLE up into the sky, by using a COMPLIMENTARY BLAST OF STEAM
2. Let the CHAW PARTICLE bond with the INFORMATION PARTICLES
3. Let this happen until there is a column of Chewey Chaw
4. Fire up the FUKKUS, and let it MAKE a RUKKUS
5. the FUKKUS shall be used, as a COMBOBULATOR – an INFORMATION PROCESSING MACHINE, that shall make the Chewey Chaw emulsify into a SLURRY
6. The SLURRY shall increase in weight and volume, until it SWIRLS
7. The SWIRLING SLURRY must be GUIDED into the VORTEX, a HUGE FUNNEL in the sky
8. if a droplet of unprocessed information falls from the funnel, it shall fall to the sky, as a MEAT SHOWER
9. The small end of the VORTEX is the INFORMATION ORACLE. Here, the INFORMATION is fully processed and ready to be SPEWED.
10. Like a gamma ray, it SPEWS, into Mike’s FACE!
11. It is THEN, that Mike must take the INFORMATION SPEW, and DISSEMINATE it, UNTO THE PEOPLES!
12. And this is how the PEOPLES get VIOLENTLY INFORMED.